A Fair World

“That isn’t fair!”
If you ever come to this dreaded term, this is for you.

If one person gets a bag of gummy bears and shares with four friends, leaving out the fifth person, would it be fair if the fifth person gets a bag of gummy bears to share with the same four friends and leaving out the person who started the ridiculous predicament? No, because of the 7.125 billion people in the world, only six people would get gummy bears.

Congratulations, you’ve just started the world’s pettiest crisis.

My first idea was maybe the government would supply gummy bears to citizens, but the cost to cover for all those gummy bears is astronomical and would raise taxes. Trying to buy a T-shirt might cost 60% more, and then we’d have men going around shirtless or wearing a size to small because they refused to spend a boat load of money on shirts (except for women, who spend boatloads of cash on everything) which might even start a world wide gummy bear crisis. That’s not fair.

So let’s say God provides the gummy bears. Do note that this rarely happens. Then everyone would get bags of gummy bears to share with four friends, (again excluding the fifth) and everything is fair! But wait, what if you’re an atheist? Well then, it would be impossible for God to distribute gummy bears to everyone because God does not exist in your beliefs, therefore crushing any positivity whatsoever.

Let’s take it a step further. (Oh no)

If you’re a creationist, you probably say that God created a substantial amount of gummy bears to satisfy any gummy bear grievances over the ages. However, by then the gummy bears would be stale, and not everyone in the likes stale gummy bears, thus making everything worse.

If you’re an evolutionist, you’d say that tiny molecules over time came together and made the gummy bears along with the packaging and table of ingredients. Unfortunately it would take eons before the gummy bears had evolved and ready to be opened and consumed, and by then, the problem would have been resolved by death.

And if you believe in Darwinism, you’d think a fish began walking on land and then slowly mutated into a bag of gummy bears ready for purchase at your local CVS. However, I’d think you had lost your mind and then proceed to distance myself from you.

Or you could use violence. Violence solves everything.



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Filed under Comedy, Writing

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